I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
