He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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