I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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