I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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