oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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