He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
