How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
