i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
