When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
