This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
