She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
