Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
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I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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