The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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