I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
