His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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