You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
