I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
