Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sorry about my life...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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