just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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