Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
