I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
