3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
