He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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