Your dad touched me again.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
