you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
