After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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