Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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