im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm both gender and math confused
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