No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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