i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
