It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
