What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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