Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
