At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
