Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
