After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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