Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
