I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
