your parents love me but you hate me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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