I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
