There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
