I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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