I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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