$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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