what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
