the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
