i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
