This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
