Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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