They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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