I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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