Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
