It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
