I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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