My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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