I'm going to jail i love you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
