Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
