I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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