Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
