do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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