The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
