maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
