3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
