I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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