HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
