It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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