..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
