I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
