It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
