I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
