1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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