If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There r osticjed everywhere
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
