Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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