He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
