i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
