Are we in a gay sports bar?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
