Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
