does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
