I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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